I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
