if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
