Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
