M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
