I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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