so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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