wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
time to smoke my breakfast
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
