I CAN MOONWALK!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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