You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
