My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
How does one acquire holy water?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
PANTIES FOUND
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