How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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