is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
