I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
