I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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