He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
