too bad you live with your parents still
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize