its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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