its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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