I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
