i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
