I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
