I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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