p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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