Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
