i'm lost and i look like a hooker
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
