everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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