I just saw a hot homeless man
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
