I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
