Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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