...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
