i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
