I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
