is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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