sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
