im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
