His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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