Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
