i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
