Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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