You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
