Please, let me fuck your mom
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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