i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
