thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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