How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
