THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
