dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
