If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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