i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
