just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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