Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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