And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
