apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
where are you?
Hypothermia
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
