someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
