Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
