just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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