I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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