Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
