Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
