i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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