I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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