I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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