you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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