Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
