i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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