I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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