They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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