When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
