i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
