I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
