My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
