I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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