i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
