this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
