Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
